Friday, January 1, 2010

A Slightly Teary Update from the Missing Lindstrom Family.....

So, I have neglected you here once again. Please forgive me!

Let me explain.....

We headed to Utah for a week of CRAZINESS full of family Christmas parties, etc. We had a blast. Took loads of pictures, which will be shared with you soon, and had a fabulous Christmas! More on that another day.

Laced in throughout all of our parties and celebrations we watched as our sweet baby Dawson started to take a nose dive. It was a fast drop.

I have to tell you that just before we packed to come to Utah I had strong feelings that implied this would happen. When the article in the paper came out and the new blog launched, both inspired by the miracles and changes in our lives that have come because of this amazing son of ours, the response was amazing. The emails that came in from people that had been touched by Dawson's story reaffirmed that we were on the right track. This experience is not ours alone. It is meant to be shared. It is meant to remind everyone who hears it of our purpose here on earth and our mission to return to our Father in Heaven.

I went in Dawson's room for some snuggle time and to tell him about all the people that are being touched by his story and the spirit. I told him about the lives he has changed through his faithfulness and sweet spirit. I told him mostly about how he had changed me. Completely! A sacred experience came in that moment. One that allowed my son, in his own way, to communicate his love to me. All that he could do for me was completed. He has finished his mission for making his stubborn ole' Mom realize who she really is and what I am meant to do with that.

With that feeling came a lot of peace. An understanding that Dawson would soon be leaving his sacred little body.

Dad was next.

It is not my place to share the feelings Ryan has had. He and I process things so differently. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a talker. I just am. That's how I process. I can talk someones ear off for an hour and a half and then have my "AH HA" moment where it makes sense and I can begin to put it in it's proper place. (thanks to all of you that lend your ears....hopefully they don't bleed for too long after the abuse of too much use! Ha!) Ryan is different. I had been so wrapped up in how it affected me that I didn't stop to see that my rock, always faithful, always strong husband, needed to find his own way to process this.

Any experience that he had will have to be shared by him. All I can say is that there is peace. We are strong and we are as ready as we can be.

We don't know timing, we don't pretend to know that anymore, we just know that after a conversation with Dr. Scott (an absolute blessing and answer to prayer to our family) and in combination with the counsel we received from Dr Walker, Dawson's Neuro Surgeon, Dawson's brain is beginning the process of shutting down all of his systems. His suffering is almost over.

Right now, he is experiencing no pain. He is happy, medicated and getting all the love he can handle. His brain is easily irritated so we are careful not to overstimulate and sure to give lots of love when he needs extra comfort.

Today we are going to Build-A-Bear to make a special "Dawson" bear for Jake. A heart with Dawson's name on it and plenty of love from Dawson will be placed inside along with a "voice box" that will have Dawson's "Bu bu bu bu"'s (his name for Jake) recorded on it. The bear will wear Dawson's Star Wars shirt, the one that Jake has an identical copy of. Jake is a tangible type boy. When he sleeps over anywhere he takes my yellow baby blanket to wrap up in so he feels my squeezes if he is scared or misses me, so he says. He will need all the extra prayers and love he can get. This is a hard concept. Especially for a boy with such a strong bond with his little brother.

I don't think any of us are prepared for how much we will miss Dawson's loves, but we are trying to get all we can now. I am so sleep deprived right now it is ridiculous! :) I make Dawson skooch over and let me lay by him in his bed at night. I love to hold him while he sleeps so soundly. I don't get much sleep, but it's ok. I want those moments so badly. It is an amazing blessing to be able to start the grieving process and still be able to hold his body tight for comfort.

Peace is easily found when we try to focus on this part of our lives as being released from a mission or calling instead of focusing on the loss of our son. We will be with him forever. His spirit will be close, always. His sweet body is a sacred blessing and reminder of the sacrifice he made on our behalf and the love the Lord has for us, the Power of the Atonement, and our real purpose here on earth. It is hard....really hard, but at the same time the greatest blessing. We couldn't be more grateful for the knowledge of Eternal Families and the Plan of Salvation. It is the only comfort that is comfort enough to heal our hearts!

So, our plan for now. Love our baby. Enjoy every second. Plan to return to Idaho on Sunday night or Monday morning, depending of course on Dawson's timing and needs. We will keep you all posted.

Thanks for all of your love and support, and especially for prayers! When we go through experiences like this it is faith building and amazing to feel the tangible power of the prayers of loved ones offered on our behalf! We couldn't do this without it! THANK YOU!

**ALSO, please check out (our other blog). My sweet friend Deirdre did a guest post for me today that seriously motivated and inspired me! I can't wait to take a second and set some new goals for myself! THANKS DRE! LOVE YOU!


Megan said...

Your sweet family is in my thoughts and prayers. What an inspiration you all are!

The Salisbury's said...

Know Zach and I are thinking about you guys at this time, I pray the lord will stay with you all through Dawson's transformation into the spirit world. I know that he is a special spirit, and I loved holding him last year and Grandparents Salisbury's house on xmas, he truly is a special special soul..
we love you guys.

Kara said...

Im so sorry Amy, Your family is definetly in our prayers.

Hardy Party said...


We love you all so much. You are in our prayers. Just please let us know if there is anything we need to do. We are ready to travel and do anything we can.

Love you all,
Dad & Sondi

Kristin and Jay said...

I cannot believe I haven't known this until now and found out on your BLOG!!! I am a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE FRIEND!!! I am so sorry and I am so glad you have such a positive outlook on things. Not only is Dawson an inspiration to a lot of people YOU are also! I don't know if you are answering calls, but I am going to call, you don't have to answer, but I hope things are going okay! We love you and give D-Dawg a little squeeze from us!

Baldwincrew-blog said...

WOW! Now that I have wiped my tears. Your testimony is so amazing to be so strong and have such faith to go through the worst thing a parent can ever be asked to experience. I'm glad that Heavenly Fathers spirit is so strong and comforting you at such a fragile time. Dawson will now be your angel as you have been his for the last 5 years. He couldn't have gotten a better mother to help him in his earthly journey. Your family will be in my prayers as you finish out this process of sending a child back home. Love always. Frances

Kyle and Serene Hardy said...

Oh Amy, you are so strong and have faith that I know I need at times. Dawson is so special and we have all been blessed to have him in our lives. Kyle and I will keep your family in our prayers. I will be calling you to come and see you guys before you leave. Lots of Love!

aweight said...

Amy you are a great woman!! I'm so happy to know you and you have helped me a better mother! I love you so much and my prayers are with and your sweet little dawson, and family. Love you, Natalie Weight

Rideout Family said...

I love you Amy, I am now wishing that I could of seen Dawson too at our little visit. I love that little man. How lucky he is to have such amazing parents as you and Ryan. He is also very lucky to have such an amazing big brother and sister and all of us who have had a chance to meet Dawson are also very lucky. Keep me posted, I am here for you, whatever you need. I love you so much.

Dustin and Cori said...

All I can say is "WOW"....Your family is amazing!! My prayers and thoughts are with you!!! With all my love...Cori

Andy said...

I'm so amazed with you and your family. What a lucky guy Dawson is to have you and Ryan as his parents. I'll be praying for you all.

Lombardo Family said...

Oh Amy and Ryan, I am and have been so touched by you both and little Dawson. Thank you for sharing him with all of us.

Anonymous said...

All i can say right now is that I love you. And think you should give the little D man a huge love from me! Please please let me know if there is anything i can do to help, I'll drop everything in a heart beat...
I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts and fast especially on your families behalf this Sunday.
I love you, and thank you so much for sharing your precious little boy!
-Kellsy Kaye

Ben and Kelli said...

We're so sorry, and so completely touched by all of your faith through these experiences. Thank you for sharing so many wonderful things and allowing us to get to know your sweet son a little bit. Our prayers are with you all!

Gear Gang said...

We constantly have you in our prayers. We love you so much. You and Ryan are amazing people and I am so grateful to know you two- Jake, Mally and D.

I love you all

Liz said...

Oh Amy- I peek in on your blog every so often. Today I'm glad I did to see how your family is doing. Brandon & I will keep you all in our thoughts and prayers this next while.
--Liz Reynolds

Clinton and Michelle said...

Wow I found time today to look at blogs and stumbled on yours and am in shock. I guess dumb me didn't even realize the depth of your situation. I am amazed by your strength and willingness to move forward. Thank you for sharing your story and being such a wonderful example of faith, love, courage and strength. My thoughts and prayers will also be with you.

Lucky to be the mom said...

You don't know me. My name is Denise Ferrin, we live in Provo Utah and I'm an obituary reader - that's how I found your precious story.
It will be 15 years on February 4th that the little girl that came to change our lives, change her stubborn mom, left mortality. It was a sacred day. We celebrate her memory every year with a service project done in her name. We are blessed women to care for, be trusted with such a pure, courageous child of God.
Bless you for sharing your story! 15 years ago, this technology wasn't even available.
May peace continue to be with you. Laugh, cry, feel it all!
If you ever want to share/talk/grieve with an experienced parent feel free to contact me!