Sunday, February 22, 2009

Dawson...

I don't even know where to start! This week has been painful, wonderful, spiritual, amazing, extemely draining... there are just SO many words that could describe it!

I have composed this post in my mind a million times. How to tell you, how to adequately describe, what we have been going through this week?! When is the right time to share? How much to tell?

Today is the day. I want to tell you. Mostly because I think that sitting down and remembering will do my soul good today. It is a very hard day.

So Dawson had his surgery last week. It was the usual, just another shunt surgery followed by another simple operation. Nothing to really set it apart from any of the others. Nothing except a growing feeling that our little man wouldn't be with us much longer. I talked to Dawson's doctor, Dr. Scott, in Idaho. I love her. She is a dear dear woman. A friend. She tells me honestly how she feels. She puts A LOT of stock in mothers intuition and is always kind. I asked her some questions about Dawson's life. She answered quite honestly giving me the when to go forward and when to call it quits talk. She admitted that this had been on her mind lately.

The subject started weighing heavier on our minds. One evening Ryan felt impressed that Dawson needed a Priesthood blessing. The next impression was that his Dad should give it. It was beautiful and comforting. It was a blessing of "release". His mission is complete, he can return home when he chooses. We cried. It is nearly impossible to picture life without him. However, the peace was overwhelming.

We returned home to Idaho on Monday night. At the time we knew that his time with us here was winding down, but we were unsure when it would end. On Tuesday morning the feeling settled in just a bit deeper. Ryan came home from work. I kept the kids home from school. We spent the afternoon praying, talking and crying. A sudden urgency settled in on us. We had been home for only 12 hours and found ourselves hurriedly packing to get back. Our family members needed to be able to say goodbye and feel the peace that we were feeling. We were in the car headed South a short time later.

On Tuesday we arrived to a house full of Lindstroms. Everyone was here. All here to love on little D. Emotions were raw. We were struggling. Thoughts of not having our little man here with us were overwhelming. Gratitude for Temple Ordinances consuming.

On Wednesday we spent the day with grandparents and my family. We tried to see everyone we could. We were worn out by the end of the day.

The rest of the week we have spent as much time as possible with Dawson. Kissing, cuddling, praying, comforting. We spent a lot of time in the temple yesterday. That brought a lot of peace. I love the temple.

Many people have asked what is going on health wise. We can honestly say nothing. We have felt very strongly that Dawson would be free of pain and discomfort and that his passing would be a peaceful event. One of simply having his spirit leave his body. We take a lot of comfort in this. He is happy. VERY happy.

Ryan and I have experienced some of the neatest spiritual experiences throughout this week. We all have. There is a lot of peace. Faith in some things has been replaced with knowledge. We KNOW that Dawson is a noble spirit. We are humbled to be his parents. We have had thoughts about the power of the Atonement quite a bit this week. While realizing who it is that we care for and have for eternity, we can't help but think of our past lives. Choices we had made. Repentance. When the Lord says He will forgive. HE DOES. How else would He have given us this boy?! We are so grateful. We will never stop testifying of this truth!

Each night has been difficult. We all say goodbye. Kisses, loves and prayers. The sadness at times was nearly consuming, but the peace was present so we prevailed. Jake is doing well. He learned that his prayers are heard and answered. He has been praying hard for Dawson to stay. Yesterday, after realizinghow important Dawsons next mission is, he prayed that he would be able to return to Heavenly Father in his own little way. This is hard for him, but oh the lessons he is learning! Even Mallory, when asked, will reply that "Dawson is going to live with Henley Father".

Today has been hard. We are emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted. We know that the Lord is ready for Dawson, but the choice of leaving his body will be Dawson's. We are trying to help him finish everything that he feels he needs to accomplish. The feelings reguarding this has been amazing. We love that little man so much!

We do not know what to do next. We are trying to do the Lord's will in everything. We have felt that we would not be returning home with Dawson. Tomorrow we will pray to see what we should do next. It is hard to do nothing all day everyday. We may return home, if it is right, this week.

I just want you all to know how grateful we are for all of you. Your prayers are so appreciated. We are tired and they definately give us strength!

Prayers ARE answered. Jesus Christ is our Savior. Families are Forever. We KNOW these things!

We will keep you all posted on our status. For those of you that have known about this, thanks so much for all of your phone messages and emails. They mean so much to me! I draw a lot of strength from my wonderful friends! I promise to work on returning calls by tomorrow.

We love you all!

26 comments:

Megan said...

Oh Amy! I don't know what to say. Please know that your family will be in my prayers. I have no doubt that you are being watched over by multitudes of angels right now.

Kristin and Jay said...

Amy, you are such an inspiration to me. Seriously. You know how people say that a friend is someone who lifts them up and makes them want to be a better person, well....you ARE that person!! Heavenly Father definitely sent Dawson to the right family. You two are amazing! You will continue to be in our prayers and we hope to get to see you soon! Remember we LOVE YOU!

jill said...

You are unbelievably strong Amy. You and ryan are are amazing examples of faith and humility...your family and little D are in our prayers, We love you!!

Frischknecht Fam said...

Oh, Amy--I wish I could make this easier for you and your family. We're praying for and thinking of you all.

Baldwincrew-blog said...

Your testimony is so strong. Thank you for sharing your story and the faith that you have I admire it so much. I hope the best for you and your family. It is so great to know the truth of the gospel it gives us peace in time of hardship.

Amanda said...

Your family can do this. You've shown your are prepared and you will make it through just fine, regarless of the timeline. You know us Idaho people would love to give Dawson kisses too:) If it is too draining to say goodbye everynight, maybe a trip back home and to school could re-energize your family. You know, like a cold shot of WRV air! You are loved!

Kara said...

I know whatever I say may not be the right thing at this time. So Im just going to say we love you and we are praying for little D. Give him a kiss for us!

Amber said...

I'm glad you finally posted, I've been wondering about Dawson. Your family is in our prayers, I can't imagine what you are going through. We're here for you if you need anything (long distance, that is). We love you!

Richins Family said...

Amy and Ryan, your strength is inspiring! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you guys!

Christensen family said...

Oh Amy - our prayers and thoughts are with your family! I just can't even imagine. You have such a strength! Take care!

Norris Fam said...

Thanks for the update. I've been praying for your little family so hard! I know the Lord is so mindful of you right now!

We love you all!

~Tiffany~ said...

Amy, I wish I knew the words to say to comfort your family. Your faith and your testimony are an amazing example to all of us! I wish you guys all the best of luck, and will be praying for you and your family.

Bonnie said...

Wow! That is a very tough decision to make- My thoughts are with you. If it gives you any comfort I am positive my parents will be there to greet him with open arms and that he will have just as many people to love him there as he does here! I wish for you all the peace and strength that you are going to need for the next while. All my love!

Rideout Family said...

We think about you guys every single day. We love you guys so much. You are always in our prayers.

Elizabeth said...

Thanks for the update! We sure have been thinking about you guys. I don't know what to say except that we love you guys and your family is in our prayers. Much love!

Lombardo Family said...

I have been thinking of you two all day since I've read your blog, not sure what to write. Incredible people the two of you are and incredible children as well. The word "blessing" doesn't seem magnificent enough of a word to describe the gift eternity is to those who've made those sacred covenants. Bless you all for your strength and shining example to all who know you.

The Nelson's said...

Amy,
Your kids are so cute. I read your blog every so often. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Dawson seems like such a sweetheart. Your twins are a couple months older than my daughter. I'll keep you guys in my prayers and wish the best for you and your family. What great examples you are of strength and the testimony of our Savior. May he continue to comfort you and your family.
JaNean (Bezzant)Nelson

Dawn said...

We love you guys, you are so strong and amazing. Hang in there, we all praying for your family.
Love Adams Family

cancholas said...

amy i just want to let you know my prayers are with your family. and just pray that you will continue to have the peace and strength to continue on through whatever may happen.

Robyn said...

Well I just wanted to say thanks for making an ol pregnant women cry! First of all you are amazing, you and your family! My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I can't imagine what it would to be like to be in your situation, and sometimes I don't know why some people get thrown so many challanges! But I guess only our heavenly father knows what we can handle as individuals! You are an amazing mother, and I will keep you and your cute family in our prayers at this hard time! Stay strong and know that my heart goes out to you!

Lindsey said...

I'm going to come out of blog-stalking(*) to tell you that I am absolutely heartbroken at this news of sweet, darling Dawson. You and your family have been, and will continue to be, in my thoughts and prayers.

{(*) I found your blog through Robyn's...we went to HS together, I was a year older than you.}

Andy said...

Amy:
I check in on your blog all the time and have been so impressed with the type of parents you both are. Please know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you all. I can't imagine....what a brave, happy, incredible, little guy. I'm so happy that Dawson gets to be a part of your great little family! GOD BLESS!

muggins mahooney said...

Oh Amy! I hope all will be well for you and your family. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all the time. I don't even know what to say.
Not very many parents get to have a perfect child such as Dawson. He has been such a trooper through all of his operations and struggles. What a sweetheart.
Dawson was so sent to the perfect family. You may say that you are priviledged to have Dawson as a son, but I bet if he could tell you, he would tell you it has been a priviledge to have you as a mother. God bless all of you.
Michelle Larson

The Salisbury's said...

Amy Iam sitting here in tears, I dont even know what to say, I will definatly keep you guys in our prayers, Im so sorry if zach and I have not been there for you and your family at a time of need. please know we love you guys and your cute family, I keep remembering when I was holding D at granpa and grandma salisburys 2 christmases ago, he would just smile at me, it was so hard for me to give him back to you guys so I could go home...he definatly is a sweet spirirt... oh my heck I dont even know what to say, so I will end this here.. we love you guys!!!

Zach and Ashlee Salisbury

Hardy Party said...

Amy,

I'm not sure really how we can comfort you, but that is exactly what we want to do. We know how hard this must be. Our hearts just ache for Dawson, and all of you. We love you so very much. We are so glad that there is spiritual peace about this, and we hope that it remains that way. But there must also be sadness and pain. We are here for you if you need anything. I know we are far away, but you are all in our hearts every day. Familes are forever and we will be praying for all of you. Take care of yourselves and know how much all of you are loved.

Love Dad & Sondi

The Johnson Family said...

Amy I am speechless. I hope that Heavenly Father continues to hold you in His comfort. I can't imagine what you are going through. You seem to be so positive and it is uplifting to see your strength. I will keep your family in my prayers. Thank you so much for sharing all of this, I feel humbled.

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