We got into the hospital last night at about 10pm. There were a few things that made me want to run straight back out to my vehicle and drive as far away from here as possible. You know how they say that there are smells that can take you right back to a moment and make you feel like you are there....
Well, after the drive I HAD to make a run to the little girls room. The first second I pumped that hand soap into my hand I felt a little faint. The smell....two tiny babies, fear, longing for my "normal" back...it all hit me like a tsunami wave. It took me a second to remember that it was my 3 year old I was going to walk out and find...we had made it through the whole "life hanging in the balance" thing. I am going to have to get used to that smell again!
Then the smell of latex, hospital room, the cafeteria downstairs, all of it. Takes me back.
The SOUND! UGH THE SOUND of those dag-blasted monitors ALL NIGHT LONG! That beat...the first one. Made me jump and sweat a little.
You know what I haven't missed...well, lets just say that at about 1:45am I became coherent enough to realize that there was a doctor over my bed asking me questions and I was answering them. I hope I didn't tell them he had purple spots and likes to lick steel bars or something like that! It took a good 15 minutes before I could shake the fog out of my head. WHY DO THEY DO THAT?! Man, I am tired!
However, all of that said...I will NEVER FORGET how much I LOVE that there is a place that we can come where we are met by people that want to give the tour and take my laundry from me and get it done so I don't need to worry about it.
I will NEVER FORGET how much I love the way the nurses take care of my sweet baby.
I will NEVER FORGET how Dawson's hands look all wrapped in board and tape with tubes carrying just what he needs to his little body.
I will NEVER FORGET how the Lord ALWAYS helps Dawsons body to show the doctors exactly what he needs. (Last night we found a lump in his stomach that I have never felt before. Possibly scar tissue....possibly not. His left arm also swelled up like a balloon for whatever reason. All things of great concern.) I am grateful we are here! I know they will do everything they can to find the problem. (Siliac (sp?) disease and Cystic Fibrosis have been mentioned.)
and I will NEVER EVER EVER FORGET the FEELING, physically, of all of your prayers. Last night I was singing "A Child's Prayer" to Dawson to calm him down. HE LOVES THAT SONG! It is always the first song that comes to my mind when we are here. Since his first brain surgery. I could almost feel the Lord's arms wrapping around him when I got to the part in the second verse where it says, "You are his child. His Love now Surrounds You". And He is and it DID!