Thursday, November 20, 2008

Things I NEVER Wanted to Remember and Things I Never Will Forget

We got into the hospital last night at about 10pm. There were a few things that made me want to run straight back out to my vehicle and drive as far away from here as possible. You know how they say that there are smells that can take you right back to a moment and make you feel like you are there....

Well, after the drive I HAD to make a run to the little girls room. The first second I pumped that hand soap into my hand I felt a little faint. The smell....two tiny babies, fear, longing for my "normal" all hit me like a tsunami wave. It took me a second to remember that it was my 3 year old I was going to walk out and find...we had made it through the whole "life hanging in the balance" thing. I am going to have to get used to that smell again!

Then the smell of latex, hospital room, the cafeteria downstairs, all of it. Takes me back.

The SOUND! UGH THE SOUND of those dag-blasted monitors ALL NIGHT LONG! That beat...the first one. Made me jump and sweat a little.

You know what I haven't missed...well, lets just say that at about 1:45am I became coherent enough to realize that there was a doctor over my bed asking me questions and I was answering them. I hope I didn't tell them he had purple spots and likes to lick steel bars or something like that! It took a good 15 minutes before I could shake the fog out of my head. WHY DO THEY DO THAT?! Man, I am tired!

However, all of that said...I will NEVER FORGET how much I LOVE that there is a place that we can come where we are met by people that want to give the tour and take my laundry from me and get it done so I don't need to worry about it.
I will NEVER FORGET how much I love the way the nurses take care of my sweet baby.
I will NEVER FORGET how Dawson's hands look all wrapped in board and tape with tubes carrying just what he needs to his little body.
I will NEVER FORGET how the Lord ALWAYS helps Dawsons body to show the doctors exactly what he needs. (Last night we found a lump in his stomach that I have never felt before. Possibly scar tissue....possibly not. His left arm also swelled up like a balloon for whatever reason. All things of great concern.) I am grateful we are here! I know they will do everything they can to find the problem. (Siliac (sp?) disease and Cystic Fibrosis have been mentioned.)
and I will NEVER EVER EVER FORGET the FEELING, physically, of all of your prayers. Last night I was singing "A Child's Prayer" to Dawson to calm him down. HE LOVES THAT SONG! It is always the first song that comes to my mind when we are here. Since his first brain surgery. I could almost feel the Lord's arms wrapping around him when I got to the part in the second verse where it says, "You are his child. His Love now Surrounds You". And He is and it DID!


jill said...

beautifully written amy...I could never understand the things you go through with your little dawson, but your great attitude astonishes me!

we are praying for D!

Rideout Family said...

You made me cry Amy, just imagining what your feeling, all those flash backs. I was there once with Sammi and that one visit was enough to stay with me forever. I cried thinking of cute little Dawson as a patient. I just pray that things will be figured out for his benefit. I love him, I love you and know we are thinking about you guys and praying for you too.
I love that Primary song too. Hearing Preston Hill sing it with his mom at the Primary program practice made me lose it.

-Kels- said...

I dont like it when you make me cry.
I love you and D. give him a love for me! That song will be playing in my head constantly for him!!

Lots of Love and Prayers!

Anonymous said...

Oh Amy, We are praying for you all. We hope they can make Dawson feel better. We love you very much...
Dad and Sondi

Jared and Keri said...

I really admire you for how you handle all your difficult situations. It is such a blessing to have an eternal perspective. You are awesome. Keri

Norris Fam said...

I got chills when I read the part about you singing to him. You know, without a doubt, that you and D. are not alone in that hospital never have been!

Lombardo Family said...

You are so gifted to be able to express yourself so well. I just got done reading your last entry to my husband. Thanks for sharing so much of your thoughts and feelings. Sure wish we lived close to your guys.

The Sharp Family said...

Thank you for sharing Amy. Made me cry of course. I love you and keep being strong. Our Heavenly Father is amazing! I hope that things can be taken care of quickly! Much love being sent your way.

Devin & Shalise said...

Wow!! I am sitting at work with tears in my eyes, wishing I could be there for your support. I love you guys so much! I can't believe how incredibly strong you all are! Know that you are a great example to me! Love you sis!

Michelle & Matt's Clan said...

Beautifully written. Amy, we have been praying for Dawson and you all before you went. I'm glad you are there--in all ways, there in Primary Children's, there with your family, there in God's arms. We love you.

Tana said...

Thanks for the reminder that so much is out of our hands and in God's (and thank goodness for that.) And thanks for sharing. Prayers and love! Tana